What a child needs

Have you ever thought about whether you doing a good job raising your kids? How do you know this?
Are we too self absorbed in our losses that we tend to take the wrong approach when it comes to arming our kids for the world. I have a few mottos in life, one being “raise your kids for the world”. It could be up for debate for some, so let’s talk about it. So why raise your children for the world? What does it mean? What does it even entail..

Humility is big in my books. If you don’t have empathy, understanding, respect for your fellow man, then you will not get very far in life. In my experience as a parent I am going to be the first one to say that being a parent, guider, sustainer, leader etc are one of the hardest things to do. It’s one job that accolades are not freely handed out but rather judged or frown upon by society. Some of us try to live our losses through our children. We try to make up for our short comings or lack of achievements and create our lives we dreamt of through our children. That is a big injustice isn’t it..

Besides the fact that economics changed, politics evolved, technology has changed our social skills, a bread cost so much more, integrity means far less, we want to force them to do what we couldn’t, what we dreamt of becoming growing up. And that’s a fine line to cross because we all hover over that line from time to time. It takes extreme balance to make sure we shift our weight back to us, back to accepting that we were eighteen and pregnant, we were told to go work at the age of sixteen to sustain a family of six, we had no choice but to go work as the mere laborer, the mere machinist..
But what did it make us as individuals, as parents..?It made us the achievers of today! Instead of trying to create the fantasy we never had, we should pat ourselves on the back because our sacrifices are what created our beautiful souls.

So what are the fundamental basis to create well balanced future leaders? I can only think of three important aspects that comes to mind. If you can think of anything else, please feel free to contribute and discuss.

Be emotionally available:
How often are we in the actual, physical space with our children but our hearts and heads are everywhere and anywhere else?
We constantly chasing the never reaching rainbow. We are too focused on what we look like, the house that we want, the car that we want. It becomes a natural thing to nod and say “yes….really…oh…ok..?…”
Being emotionally available requires us to pay attention, close attention and to respond compassionately.
We shove technology in their hand and expect them to be socially equipped so that we have more free time for ourselves to try and catch up whatever we’ve lost…. Let me tell you something…It’s never going to happen. The best thing to do is to create the best path for your child.

Multitasking our time with our children has become a norm and we don’t make the time to look at them and engaging with them. Our minds are anywhere but the story of ” the boy said he’s going cut my hair,”. Until something untoward happens, we either look for someone else to blame or carry the burden of guilt. I fall in the latter category. I never look at the next person to blame whenever my children find themselves in a precarious position. And yes, there was an incident that happened to one of my children and it was a wake up call for me. I was ready to blame the choice of friends, but realized that I will do the same injustices that was done unto me. I firmly believe that people are influences in your life, but you still have a choice. The choice between right and wrong. You need to know or say ” this is wrong and my parents armed me to know the difference between right and wrong..”

At another time amidst writing three exams and juggling between studying for exams and work, my daughter start telling me about her day (after I asked her…as an after thought, or rather automatically..- “Hi, how was your day”) and of course I’ve not heard a single word she said. She came to stand in front of me, sandwich my face and said ” Mom, you’re looking at me but you’re not listening to me”.
And since that day, I am looking at my kids when they talk to me. Engaging is so important for them, it makes them feel that they mean something and whatever they’re sharing are important and like that they reciprocate, as well as handing it out to the world. So stop doing what you doing and pay attention!

Provide limits and discipline:
I am very old fashioned to a certain extent. I like to refer to this analogy – Our children are our puppets on a string and we play them how we see fit, we pull and release and assess their inputs and outputs, how they handle responsibilities, discipline, respect and self respect. We let go slightly to ascertain whether we can trust our kids, how much we should allow, or how little. It’s an ongoing process.

I get highly irritated when I hear a parent says “oh she’s not listening to me – he does his own thing”
Really? Surely there is something wrong with that statement? Who is working from nine-to five, who is providing, who is paying the bills. Why are we so complacent, why does it look like we are becoming the kids, and they’re becoming the parent. If we don’t set clear boundaries or create a “free for all-do what you want to” basis then we creating less disciplined leaders, disrespectful adults, lazy individuals, society that has no ambition to grow, little big monsters! All this is what you sending out to the world, you creating a cauldron of events in your child’s path that he/she won’t be armed to deal with.
We allow dating from a very young age, I certainly don’t believe in dating whilst at school. Yes some will say that’s preposterous in today’s life! I’m arguing, what is? What is today’s life? Social media, free condoms at school, pregnancy are allowed on schools- girls are walking ducks talking about everything else besides solving for x! They have their babies, mommy becomes granny, we’re all proud and smiles, and she goes back to school. Don’t get me wrong, education is your passport to better, to greater things but mistakes are made to learn from. So where’s the lesson in this one?

Yes it’s definitely harder than what it was thirty years ago but who are pulling the strings, who determines the discipline and respect? And ultimately, who is setting the pace?
Why don’t we rather cultivate self respect, self discipline, future leaders, empathy, humility, good values and strong minds.
All this can be done without forcing your child to get a degree in whatever you couldn’t. Again, I am an advocate for enhancement for improvement for better and higher education will give them the ability to be future leaders and providers.

But does it teach them the important values and principles? The importance of family, the unimportant  flashy car, the importance of knowing that you don’t shack your parents up in an old age home, you don’t turn your back on your struggling sibling, you give without expecting anything back in return, you don’t keep a tally on what you do for anyone, you stay humble, you keep the faith and to be good from the inside out. Worldly possessions are just that, it’s temporarily and can be lost at anytime, but good values are permanent – no one can take that away.
Parents that see discipline as a teaching opportunity raise children who experience much better outcomes in their own lives.

Find happiness and meaning in being a parent:

This must be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had to do, and my god, its the most difficult job ever. You constantly plan ahead, you question all the time. There was and still are times when I feel I’ve done the wrong decision. Right now I’m finding myself feeling anxious because I want my daughter to attend a good high school. Was it the right train of thought? My sons did very well in model c schools, so what makes me think it’s not good enough for my daughter. I debate this thought and say I want better for her, I can afford to give her a better chance, she is a girl so I want her to be safe, she’s a free spirit and I want her to excel in extra mural activities on and on I go, trying to justify why the change of perception.
I cart my son from campus to campus because I want to do it. I go crazy when he invades my time and space, I throw a tantrum but yet it’s so rewarding when I see him walk towards the car, all tired but excitingly telling me about his day. I look at him through my rear view mirror and I think ” it’s all worth it”
I nag the eldest to get his license all the time because why do I have to still cart him around.He has his own car, but is not allowed to drive without his license. But when he gets into the car he asks me how I am, kisses me and my heart melts, I immediately forget about my agitation.

This is where I find happiness and the true meaning of being a parent is to guide and to protect against all odds.Parenting is not all about ‘happy moments.’ In fact, much of family life is hard work, plain and simple.

So practice better understanding and let’s be more influential in teaching our children good ways to act Show them love so that they can hand it out. Let them be their own person, don’t break their spirits, dance with them, laugh with them and be the parent

 

I love to Graft :-)

Work work work…yes it’s been extremely hectic. I’ve always worked very hard in my life. I’ve never took anything for granted. You can ask most people that know me, and they will attest to this.

The last four, five, six weeks was a blur of minutes, hours and days spent sussing through endless and endless figures trying to make something old into something new. Figures are my forte, I love it and can do it to eternity..I’d most probably die trying to figure out a complex account!

It can be extremely exhilarating, exhausting but very rewarding knowing you’ve created an offspring (without sperm of course :-)) which will be used as the basis moving forward.
What makes it exciting?
I work in a very complexed structure where exactly that-structure-,  and discipline is core. There’s very little room for error and high quality is always expected and regularly maintained.

And because there’s human intervention, you can be sure someone is going to make an error, or someone is not going to be disciplined enough or has not given thought or asked the question as to how to move forward blah blah blah. We’re after all not ready to make way for robots…
Well, I still maintain that what you give is what you get right…that goes for both the employee and employer’s side. But how do you know you’re getting what you want?
I’ve done many interviews, and I’ve sat in many interviews as part of a panel and then obviously was sitting on the other side of the boardroom trying to sell my skills.
So what makes a good candidate on face value..no, we not doing risk management or investments, we’re talking about assessing someone’s demeanor, disposition, reasoning and body language.
Apart from what you see on paper, you have to have some guidelines on what to look out for in a candidate.
But let’s face it, a candidate will tell you what you want to hear…And that’s absolutely ok. They’re there to sell themselves and that in it’s own is an important factor to take in consideration. It gives you an idea of the person’s negotiation skills, interpersonal skills, assertiveness, logic and disposition. The latter is important for me as it will give me and idea if the person will be a fit for the company’s culture. You cannot have a grumpy in a vibrant environment.

Its not the most important characteristic,  but it’s a valuable observation.
So I’ve decided to take a different approach. I’ve put together, with the help of another manager, a four question test relating to the position at hand and also a one page questionnaire to ascertain the person’s reasoning, logic and integrity.  I know it can be extremely daunting but it also gives you a better insight into how that person thinks.

Why I’m here, in this (I’m saying it,) unfortunate position is because I’m losing a good and kind person. I’m sad to see you go, but I’m also proud that you’re moving on and hopefully you are taking some valuable lessons with you. Yes you will stay anonymous, don’t worry 🙂

Right , I’m ending this off by saying…work is always important to me. More importantly, it’s the value you can add to people’s lives, and it’s by far the most rewarding achievement! I’m a born leader, I don’t follow (nothing wrong with being a follower ..!) I expect good output and I believe in giving better. Quality above quantity, ambition,  respect and self respect and attitude is right UP there on my score sheets!

Give and you will receive…think about it 🙂

I’m sooo looking forward to a family weekend away, somewhere on the Garden Route, I’ve earned the bragging rights:-)  Boom !

Happy grafting 🙂

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Be that Change…MGhandi

I’ve come across such an inspiring writer Mike Kapulvatsky. So do yourself a favor and read up on his blogs. It’s worth every minute.
I’ve always believed that things happens for a reason and a season.

I detest small minds, even though I have been small once a upon a time. I believe most of us have been. High five to those that had the insight and maturity to never fall in this trap.

The minute I walk away from a conversation with anyone and I’m not afforded the opportunity to be enriched, to be able to laugh,  to be inspired or to think about anything is the time I say…huh uh this is complete bullshit. False and vain and piss willy talks I have no time for…
I have always wondered, how do you start talking bad about someone… “start,” being the operative word. Does it go something like this..

How does she afford the car she drives (really?)
Oh did you see.. ( see what exactly)
She isn’t as great as she thinks she is (oh, why do you say that hmmm)
She’s such a demanding bitch and thinks she knows everything..( The chances are she does)
He was drunk again (why…. he might have a problem)
He was sleeping on the job again (he might not have a bed to sleep on)
He smells (he’s not afforded the soap you have)
He must be on drugs (so what you going to do about it)

Remember the following words : If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it

Instead of being fair and try to find something positive in that person, we go around gossiping about people and creating your own perception of people. Why don’t you get to know that person? I’ll tell you why, cos you going to let yourself feel intimidated by that person.

I always believe, when you spew shit from your mouth, make sure it’s facts shit and not shit shit. Because when you being cornered and summoned to the podium of truth, you can honestly say ” it’s the truth and I can prove it”

Never go around and beat people up without them even knowing that they getting a hiding. You are not walking in their shoes. You’re not the one who made sacrifices, and who still are. Look in the mirror and ask yourself “am I better than him/her”‘ Chances are that you’re not! You just a loser with a small brain, you’re insecure, no self-esteem, no motivation and of course no ambition.

Your ambition is to talk shit day in and day out. Go, go empower yourself and find friends who reflects you. Steer away from stereotypes, boring, angry, weak individuals. Start dreaming, learn from those that you find the time to talk shit about. No matter how insignificant you think it is, the minute your thought about it, meant that you found it valuable.
Process a negative into a positive
Don’t worry about me, look at yourself cos you are all that matters

A quote from Mike: There’s no such thing as a bad day or a bad situation. It’s your thoughts about the situation that influences how you view your day.

The same goes for your shitty attitude and thoughts. Grow up and be big, make that change. My business is not yours. Go and seek the education you so desperately need. Armour yourself against the You’s of today. I want to live my life for myself and for no one else. Tomorrow I die and I want to die with no regrets..morbidly good isn’t it?

I read his blog and my heart bled for him, to think that somebody that went through one of the worse atrocity’s ever as a child, AND still live to tell the tale is remarkable! In every sentence he spews sense, wisdom and endless motivation to all that’s prepared to listen. I found myself hanging onto every word, in complete awe of his eloquence as a writer, I can just see how pen flows over paper, I can feel his passion for writing, I can hear his pain but most of all, he turned his adversity into positivity…bloody awesome!

So inspiring, he makes me feel like I can take on the world, I can deal with the god complex’s, I can deal with failure, I can deal with my past as it is who I am today. And don’t have to worry what you think, the most liberating of all!

What you see is not the same as what you don’t see…

Look at the man in the mirror and be that change..MJ

The guilt of a lifetime

Growing up, abuse didn’t have a name. It was never something that was discussed or even addressed. I believe our grandparents, our elders refused to acknowledge that there was a problem.
Abuse was prevalent and it happened in every other household..but nobody spoke about it, and nothing was done about it.

I remember my granny and I went to visit an aunt who lived on a farm. It was a real farm where vegetables were grown and had to be sowed when the time was right. And we’ll all jump in to help. I remember how I use to ran barefoot through the fields, picking the best carrots and potatoes and then fill up my basket and then fill up the cart. It was magical. I loved the feeling of the sand pushing up through my toes! We would be out in the fields for most of the day but the best part was the feast that was always waiting. A warm vegetables stew with freshly baked bread and there was always dessert with a cup of black koffiehuis coffee. Rice and milk was an unknown luxury. Bread was baked on a daily basis and coffee was freshly brewed and always regularly available.

The house was always buzzing with people and that aunt had..hmmm I think eight or ten children. So you can imagine what it was like to feed everyone, cleaning up, standing in a queue for a bath and then finally going to bed. My youngest cousin would start telling ghost stories and as much as it bothered me and most times prevented me from sleep, I would listen intently and make the necessary noices.
I was always one to easily trust, in fact I am still like that…I trust people very easily and I always keep an open mind. This is hardly a good thing or not always a good thing. My story is a testament of it..

In this particular household, there were five brothers which the youngest were about three years older than me.. I could’ve been seven or eight years old  at the time. Yes, I remember things..actually as I told a friend recently, I have selective memory. And sometimes this is necessary because some of the memories are too painful to remember and at times you suppress it and other times the brain either refuse to forget or you choose not to forget.
I was treated as the little princess and I would happily jump on a lap, or give a kiss and a hug. Walking in underwear was never something that I had to think about. Getting dress by one of my male cousins felt as normal as breathing.

On this particular day “he” (lets call him just that) called me into his room and said he has a gift for me. He pulled out a small box and it had the most beautiful pair of gold sleeper earrings in! I think I might have been wearing a shorts or a dress…I can’t remember that detail.
I got onto his lap and gave him a bug hug and a kiss! I was so taken by my gift and hardly noticed that anything was wrong. In any case, why would I think that anything was wrong, or how would I have known..I was still very young. And all that I knew as a child is that adults are your protectors from harm, they make you feel safe, they keep you safe. He then put me down to stand in front of him (I close my eyes and see it as if it happened yesterday..) and continued to put the earrings into my ears. I was still full of excitement!

The next minute he runs his hands over the front of my body…that was the first shock but I thought maybe it was his way of giving the adult affection. I however didn’t feel comfortable and stepped back. Next he pulls me towards him. Not too rough but a strong enough pull to ensure I stand between his legs.
I started feeling uncomfortable as I remember his hard breathing in my face and the sheen of sweat on his upper lip. I was already starting to protest and tears wasn’t far away. All I thought was that this doesn’t feel right and I wondered where everyone else was and how am I going to get away from him. He told me not to cry…well this brought on the silent tears as he then told me to be quiet and that he loves me and won’t hurt me..

(goodness, this is difficult and more so because I never told anyone at the time but only a good friend and my cousin…and only recently)

I could only shake my head, tears and snot everywhere,  hoping he would stop if I promise to do what he tells me to. Well he even went as far as wiping my tears and snot whilst making promises of not hurting me and how much he loves me. I must have closed my eyes, desperately trying to block out what was about to open and also to stop myself of shaking like a leaf because next I felt him fondling me over my underwear. I immediately jumped away but because he had me in a tight grip I didn’t jump far enough! By now I was wailing softly and this unfortunately spurred him on even more and the next moment he shoved his finger, luckily I still had my underwear on but the force of this action was still very painful.

Only God knew how I got away from his strong clutches, but I gave a hard pull , almost fell backwards and ran out of the room! I ran straight to the fields and remember thinking how am I going to explain what just happened.. who am I going to tell, will they believe me?

And then came the unbearable guilt. The guilty feeling because I believed I’ve done something to deserve what happened. I deserved it because maybe I shouldn’t be so giving, so loving, so trusting. And I shouldn’t walk around in only my underwear…
And because I felt 100% responsible, I told no one. I was too ashamed and disgusted and used to scrub myself for days amidst silent tears.

Then there was the abuse I’ve experienced at the hands of my stepmother which I’m not going to dwell into again as I have written about it in my earlier story The Fairytale.

Now as a grown up I always wonder whether any of this left ” a mark”. Did it have a consequence? Did it alter my character?

Am I scarred?
I don’t know.. What I do know is that I’m a fiercely protective mom, maybe even borderline going a bit overboard. If my adult sons tell me they going to friends, I give them a lecture as long as the river Nile..

I never wet the bed, I never bit my nails, my eyes never twitched, I never cried for anything or out of the blue, I never had nightmares and never did bad at school. In fact I excelled at most things, academically I was an A science student..ugh that was boring and dropped it in grade something, I was an athlete and loved sports, still do, I could socialize.

Hmmmm so I always wonder if there’s anything wrong with me. Am I carrying unseen scars…

Will Power, Endurance and Love

Will power, endurance and love. That’s my motto through life.
My Journey were and always are surrounded with those three sentiments. In fact my kids own those sentiments… I love talking about them, they make me happy and I’m blessed to have spawned them ( some humor ok…I hate no humor, so bloody boring)

Nurr is what his name means in the true essence, he is the Light I always needed, he threw my life in the opposite direction of what I had planned, but I would allow it all over again! He has such a caring and unselfish nature, he thinks about others before he considers himself. And yet his first 10 years of his life was mostly spent in hospital either as an in or out patient. Like me he struggled to breathe and at the age of 5 was diagnosed as a chronic asthmatic. I used to spend my days, nights, weekends, lunchtimes holding vigil next to my baby’s bed, too scared to sleep, eat or crap. I remember going home one afternoon , covered in vomit and poo,( I can still remember what I was wearing..a rust silk blouse with a long flowing, stripe skirt matching my shirt of course..) smelling like a portable toilet, for a quick shower and fresh clothes and stepping out naked in front of the mirror and had a fright of my life! I looked like a bag of bones, hollow face, eyes deep set in my head with black circles and yet that moment all I could think about was getting back to my baby! Back to sitting, half sleeping in the drafty, smelly hospital corridors praying for my boy to get better. Back to my cherub face, red cheeks, wispy hair and smiley face. He always had a smile on his face, and hardly sat still! Nurr, you kept me going, I Love you my son 🙂

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Nurr

And he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, Thank God! He might not be the academic but he was a very good athlete.
He was the best striker for his football team, he always saved the day, and mommy dearest was always there jumping up and down !! Yeah, Goooaaalllll!
And he used to run like the wind, and got lots of accolades to prove it. Yah yah, I was that crazy mom on the stadium stand shouting ” you go Nur!!!, show dem !” Yah that was me and I remember he used to get very embarrassed and one day said to me ” mommy promise me you won’t shout my name so loud again”   Eeeeek, I ruffled his hair and said “ok, my boy..” I turned around and walked to my seat, and sat down and tried to contain myself, fingers drumming..Yirre huh uh it was hard. As the race started, I hid behind another crazy mom ( yeah, high five sista!) and started cheering for him “go Nurr, go Nurr, yeaaaah”!!! Oh yes, my baby won and I went home with no voice, but it was all worth it…I love you my baby, you’ve ENDURED 🙂

One day I realised that I’m getting older and I didn’t think of having another child but I couldn’t imagine Nurr growing up alone. I was consumed by work and my plans were slowly taking shape. I spoke to hubby and said I think we should have another baby.. I obviously hoped and prayed it was a girl so that I’d be done with babies and move on to climb the professional ladder. Hubby wanted a girl of course and I was hoping I could give him one because I know about daddy’s and their little girls..Well God had his own plans and I thank Him every day for granting me my second son, a bundle of joy 🙂 I remember having the hardest time bringing him into this world, cursing, swearing and begging my doctor to “take this child out now…i will pay you more…!”  ( well, I can’t say it helped to have your own private doctor, because it didn’t help me one bit…he just looked at me with so much wisdom, nodding and rubbing my hands…of course he knew, and I didn’t…”we almost there Mrs Thebus”…ugh)but the minute I looked into his lively eyes, his round face, stroking his endless fingers I knew I had a winner, I knew that very moment that he is going to make me proud!

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Naeem

I remember being a few months pregnant with him and attending the Whitney Houston concert , dancing and singing the whole night, and he was hooked! A true fan until the end, he loves my kinda music and we often serenade or dance together!

He is the epic example of what most want in a child. A true academic from start, hopeless as an athlete, couldn’t play soccer..he told me one day ” I don’t understand why everyone is running after one ball, it makes no sense” Yah, I said he was hopeless when it comes to sport. I totally love most sports so that was a bit of a disappointment but it was worth it! He excelled academically and was a top achiever and played chess..yah a strategic thinker, I love it! One has to anticipate the next move right..Oh of course I embarrassed him too, dearest mother 🙂 I remember him making his final speech as the Head Boy and I swear I was the only parent that clapped and looking around like a Cheshire cat saying ” that’s my son, yah that’s my boy…!” It was one of the best days of my life! I remember wiping away tears and looking through foggy eyes at my boy and thinking ‘God…I did something right!’ And he’s about to become the example he always portrayed, the leader that’s followed by many, the sharer of knowledge, the guider of paths, the teacher he always wanted to be. I love you son, you have the WILL POWER to succeed 🙂

 

So we all know how much fun it is to make babies right. Hmmm yum yum, I thoroughly enjoyed the third time! I was ready, it was planned to the T. We going to make this baby and it’s going to be a girl, come what may 🙂 I read every single Living and Loving, I always subscribed to it since expecting Nur. And I used to sit and mark the pages on “How to choose the sex of your Baby” I had stacks of them and sometimes fanned out on my bed..hmmm let’s see oh.. yah ..hmmmm ..yah ok so..oh! Ok I have to do that, then..? Yah?

Then there was the Ole wives tales of course oh my gosh, it was ridiculous but very funny. So keep the key on your head while making love, put a  pink ribbon on your toe, stand on your head, eat lotsa carrots, don’t look at stray dogs after 5pm, don’t pee, douche in white vinegar…on and on it went. Some recipes more ridiculous than the next
Well I thought about it and I always say that there has to be method in this madness. So let’s see if I can correlate the ole wives tale with nature or science or whatever it is! I surfed the internet and came across a very interesting article explaining the two dimensions and how some swears that there is a relation. Needless to say I started planning, organized a thermometer, checked the calendar and followed the notes of course. Hubby was too happy to obliged but it had to be at the right time!

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Yumnah

One evening we had people around and the night went on and on and it was also the night we had to do it and I was worried that we’re not going to get the opportunity! I called him to the room, whispering and explaining with hands waving all over the place that we have to do it that night. He shook his head and asked how to get rid of our visitors, I said I don’t know and don’t care and that he should think of something fast! Blah blah blah, fast forward..I douched, the temperature was right and then we waited…Now remember this must’ve been the third attempt and I made up my mind if it doesn’t work this time around, I’m giving up..what must be will be.
Life went on, days went by and one day during the month of Ramadaan I remember going shopping and I suddenly felt horrible. I thought it could be of the fasting and the shops being so full. I had terrible backache and wanted to vomit. I rushed home and laid down because I couldn’t take anything. It went on like this for days. My back felt like it was cracked, the pain unbearable. I then remembered reading an article on all the signs of pregnancy.  I didn’t think I could be because I never felt this way with the boys. Well I had a pregnancy test ready for a while but couldn’t get myself to do the test. I decided to stop being a prissy and took the test whilst everyone was sleeping. Well I almost woke the whole house with my shouting! But then anxiety set in and for the whole nine months, I had no idea what the sex of the baby was.

I went for three scans and every time the doctor couldn’t see cos it was always in a closed legs position!  I remember going home and telling my late mother in law and she said “don’t worry, I promise you it’s a girl” what a wise woman that was..I miss you mommy 🙂 May you be granted Janaah Ameen. Well I still wasn’t convinced it was a girl and even bought blue clothes because I was sure I could never be so lucky. Anyway, I should have known it’s a her because I’ve never ever been so emotional, so needy and so crazy OMG!
(let’s move on..I’m not sharing that part)

I knew labor was here but didn’t tell anybody, I took my mother in law somewhere, I packed my bag for the 10th time and said to myself and to ‘it’…“Ok if you are a boy, I will still love you until the end of times…” By the evening I was so uncomfortable but still never told anyone. Naeem gave me my favorite Nosh chocolate and I remember relaxing on my bed eating the chocolate when the first strong pain ribbed through my belly. I gave the first grunt and Naeem was close to tears, convinced it was because of the chocolate! I pacified him and told him it’s going to be ok.
Fast forward….little Miss Thebus, the queen of selfies, was born on Women’s Day. The apple of daddy’s eye,  my beautiful princess I could dress up, always protected by her doting brothers.
She’s the one that I always wanted. She’s beautiful, clever, a true witch and sometimes bitchy, very opinionated, stubborn like a mule itself but a heart full of LOVE. I love you Yumi 🙂

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My kids are the reason I’ve excelled in many things, they the reason I’m happy every day. I thank God that I am good at one thing, and that is being a great mom. This is something no human can take away, no one can make you feel inferior or insecure. It’s the only achievement with ongoing accolades. It only gets better and better. I wish my babies to be good people, to have empathy, to uplift and empower, to stay humble, to stay God fearing but most importantly, to be Happy!

To Endure, to always have the Will Power to succeed, and to truly Love

Love, love love 🙂

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I may not be perfect, but I’ve done something perfectly in my life 😉 says me