Will power, endurance and love. That’s my motto through life.
My Journey were and always are surrounded with those three sentiments. In fact my kids own those sentiments… I love talking about them, they make me happy and I’m blessed to have spawned them ( some humor ok…I hate no humor, so bloody boring)
Nurr is what his name means in the true essence, he is the Light I always needed, he threw my life in the opposite direction of what I had planned, but I would allow it all over again! He has such a caring and unselfish nature, he thinks about others before he considers himself. And yet his first 10 years of his life was mostly spent in hospital either as an in or out patient. Like me he struggled to breathe and at the age of 5 was diagnosed as a chronic asthmatic. I used to spend my days, nights, weekends, lunchtimes holding vigil next to my baby’s bed, too scared to sleep, eat or crap. I remember going home one afternoon , covered in vomit and poo,( I can still remember what I was wearing..a rust silk blouse with a long flowing, stripe skirt matching my shirt of course..) smelling like a portable toilet, for a quick shower and fresh clothes and stepping out naked in front of the mirror and had a fright of my life! I looked like a bag of bones, hollow face, eyes deep set in my head with black circles and yet that moment all I could think about was getting back to my baby! Back to sitting, half sleeping in the drafty, smelly hospital corridors praying for my boy to get better. Back to my cherub face, red cheeks, wispy hair and smiley face. He always had a smile on his face, and hardly sat still! Nurr, you kept me going, I Love you my son 🙂
And he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, Thank God! He might not be the academic but he was a very good athlete.
He was the best striker for his football team, he always saved the day, and mommy dearest was always there jumping up and down !! Yeah, Goooaaalllll!
And he used to run like the wind, and got lots of accolades to prove it. Yah yah, I was that crazy mom on the stadium stand shouting ” you go Nur!!!, show dem !” Yah that was me and I remember he used to get very embarrassed and one day said to me ” mommy promise me you won’t shout my name so loud again” Eeeeek, I ruffled his hair and said “ok, my boy..” I turned around and walked to my seat, and sat down and tried to contain myself, fingers drumming..Yirre huh uh it was hard. As the race started, I hid behind another crazy mom ( yeah, high five sista!) and started cheering for him “go Nurr, go Nurr, yeaaaah”!!! Oh yes, my baby won and I went home with no voice, but it was all worth it…I love you my baby, you’ve ENDURED 🙂
One day I realised that I’m getting older and I didn’t think of having another child but I couldn’t imagine Nurr growing up alone. I was consumed by work and my plans were slowly taking shape. I spoke to hubby and said I think we should have another baby.. I obviously hoped and prayed it was a girl so that I’d be done with babies and move on to climb the professional ladder. Hubby wanted a girl of course and I was hoping I could give him one because I know about daddy’s and their little girls..Well God had his own plans and I thank Him every day for granting me my second son, a bundle of joy 🙂 I remember having the hardest time bringing him into this world, cursing, swearing and begging my doctor to “take this child out now…i will pay you more…!” ( well, I can’t say it helped to have your own private doctor, because it didn’t help me one bit…he just looked at me with so much wisdom, nodding and rubbing my hands…of course he knew, and I didn’t…”we almost there Mrs Thebus”…ugh)but the minute I looked into his lively eyes, his round face, stroking his endless fingers I knew I had a winner, I knew that very moment that he is going to make me proud!
I remember being a few months pregnant with him and attending the Whitney Houston concert , dancing and singing the whole night, and he was hooked! A true fan until the end, he loves my kinda music and we often serenade or dance together!
He is the epic example of what most want in a child. A true academic from start, hopeless as an athlete, couldn’t play soccer..he told me one day ” I don’t understand why everyone is running after one ball, it makes no sense” Yah, I said he was hopeless when it comes to sport. I totally love most sports so that was a bit of a disappointment but it was worth it! He excelled academically and was a top achiever and played chess..yah a strategic thinker, I love it! One has to anticipate the next move right..Oh of course I embarrassed him too, dearest mother 🙂 I remember him making his final speech as the Head Boy and I swear I was the only parent that clapped and looking around like a Cheshire cat saying ” that’s my son, yah that’s my boy…!” It was one of the best days of my life! I remember wiping away tears and looking through foggy eyes at my boy and thinking ‘God…I did something right!’ And he’s about to become the example he always portrayed, the leader that’s followed by many, the sharer of knowledge, the guider of paths, the teacher he always wanted to be. I love you son, you have the WILL POWER to succeed 🙂
So we all know how much fun it is to make babies right. Hmmm yum yum, I thoroughly enjoyed the third time! I was ready, it was planned to the T. We going to make this baby and it’s going to be a girl, come what may 🙂 I read every single Living and Loving, I always subscribed to it since expecting Nur. And I used to sit and mark the pages on “How to choose the sex of your Baby” I had stacks of them and sometimes fanned out on my bed..hmmm let’s see oh.. yah ..hmmmm ..yah ok so..oh! Ok I have to do that, then..? Yah?
Then there was the Ole wives tales of course oh my gosh, it was ridiculous but very funny. So keep the key on your head while making love, put a pink ribbon on your toe, stand on your head, eat lotsa carrots, don’t look at stray dogs after 5pm, don’t pee, douche in white vinegar…on and on it went. Some recipes more ridiculous than the next
Well I thought about it and I always say that there has to be method in this madness. So let’s see if I can correlate the ole wives tale with nature or science or whatever it is! I surfed the internet and came across a very interesting article explaining the two dimensions and how some swears that there is a relation. Needless to say I started planning, organized a thermometer, checked the calendar and followed the notes of course. Hubby was too happy to obliged but it had to be at the right time!
One evening we had people around and the night went on and on and it was also the night we had to do it and I was worried that we’re not going to get the opportunity! I called him to the room, whispering and explaining with hands waving all over the place that we have to do it that night. He shook his head and asked how to get rid of our visitors, I said I don’t know and don’t care and that he should think of something fast! Blah blah blah, fast forward..I douched, the temperature was right and then we waited…Now remember this must’ve been the third attempt and I made up my mind if it doesn’t work this time around, I’m giving up..what must be will be.
Life went on, days went by and one day during the month of Ramadaan I remember going shopping and I suddenly felt horrible. I thought it could be of the fasting and the shops being so full. I had terrible backache and wanted to vomit. I rushed home and laid down because I couldn’t take anything. It went on like this for days. My back felt like it was cracked, the pain unbearable. I then remembered reading an article on all the signs of pregnancy. I didn’t think I could be because I never felt this way with the boys. Well I had a pregnancy test ready for a while but couldn’t get myself to do the test. I decided to stop being a prissy and took the test whilst everyone was sleeping. Well I almost woke the whole house with my shouting! But then anxiety set in and for the whole nine months, I had no idea what the sex of the baby was.
I went for three scans and every time the doctor couldn’t see cos it was always in a closed legs position! I remember going home and telling my late mother in law and she said “don’t worry, I promise you it’s a girl” what a wise woman that was..I miss you mommy 🙂 May you be granted Janaah Ameen. Well I still wasn’t convinced it was a girl and even bought blue clothes because I was sure I could never be so lucky. Anyway, I should have known it’s a her because I’ve never ever been so emotional, so needy and so crazy OMG!
(let’s move on..I’m not sharing that part)
I knew labor was here but didn’t tell anybody, I took my mother in law somewhere, I packed my bag for the 10th time and said to myself and to ‘it’…“Ok if you are a boy, I will still love you until the end of times…” By the evening I was so uncomfortable but still never told anyone. Naeem gave me my favorite Nosh chocolate and I remember relaxing on my bed eating the chocolate when the first strong pain ribbed through my belly. I gave the first grunt and Naeem was close to tears, convinced it was because of the chocolate! I pacified him and told him it’s going to be ok.
Fast forward….little Miss Thebus, the queen of selfies, was born on Women’s Day. The apple of daddy’s eye, my beautiful princess I could dress up, always protected by her doting brothers.
She’s the one that I always wanted. She’s beautiful, clever, a true witch and sometimes bitchy, very opinionated, stubborn like a mule itself but a heart full of LOVE. I love you Yumi 🙂
My kids are the reason I’ve excelled in many things, they the reason I’m happy every day. I thank God that I am good at one thing, and that is being a great mom. This is something no human can take away, no one can make you feel inferior or insecure. It’s the only achievement with ongoing accolades. It only gets better and better. I wish my babies to be good people, to have empathy, to uplift and empower, to stay humble, to stay God fearing but most importantly, to be Happy!
To Endure, to always have the Will Power to succeed, and to truly Love
Love, love love 🙂
I may not be perfect, but I’ve done something perfectly in my life 😉 says me