Happy Birthday My Poplap

I promised you I’ll write about you..

Well, here goes…a short but very sweet one💗

You’re hardly sweet pffft. I look at you and I still marvel in your stubbornness, wit and intelligence. From the first day I layed eyes on you, you never let me out of your sight. I was the cow and you were my calf. Yep, that’s exactly how it went down.😂  We were joined at the hip and it was very difficult to leave you anywhere. You hated driving and used to cry all the way to Cavendish and back home. The minute you couldn’t see me, you would bring the house down!💣💣 I had to take you everywhere I went…yep even the toilet😫

All curly and Girly💗

I remember trying desperately to wean you and having to go on a  week long business trip, I thought this is it, I’m finally going to get back my precious body parts😊 But a week  of discomfort was quickly forgotten the minute I picked your tiny body up and you moaned into my chest. I was lost, all resolved caved and I was back to being your nurturer. And I’ll do it all over again!

It’s My House, and I Live Here🙋🙋

Your creche days lasted all but 5 days😏 And I’m grateful to have gotten the most caring nanny in the world! Shukran Maya, we’ll always be grateful for you. You’re part of the reason why Yumnah is the young woman she is today😘

People say you’re the split image of me growing up and I believe that now. I can certainly see the strong minded, opinionated, stubborn and ambitious young girl growing up to be one helluva force to be reckon with. You’re gorgeous my POP LAP, and I’ll Love you forever. 💚💚💗💗

Remember…Love deeply, don’t settle, respect your siblings and parents and stay true to yourself.  I thank the Almighty for granting you another year, and I wish you a prosperous life.  You’re beautiful my Love💗

Mini Me💞💞

The last year

I have so much to tell but don’t know how to put things in perspective. I think I generally fail in that area. Maybe because I think too much and then I end up stuck in between the jungle of thoughts and cannot clearly decipher or work myself out of it.

When I get to this junction, I normally write. I just write and write and not necessarily in any order. I have no qualms about full stops, commas or over using dot dot dot. I don’t write for an accolade. I write because I write better than what I talk. And I think most people do. Writing gives you that extra second to think, it gives you the opportunity to say something in a better way, in an eloquent way,  it gives you the added bonus of adding emotions to a story.

Long long ago there was a frog and a princess..naaah its not one of those stories. This is so cool, it’s so cool to do  what you want and to say what you want, but I promised my son that I’m not writing soppy stories anymore and it’s not going to be soppy!

So it’s just going to bits and bops of The Last Year🙋

Ethan The Warrior

The day I learnt of your coming, was a sad day, but unknowingly then,  you were going to give me the strength to face all my fears. And oh dear, let’s just add that I was really not ready to be a granny😱 I used to take pride in not being granny at my age, but God had his own plans.

He’s more like MY warrior💗💗 He was my sunshine in the rain. For once in my life, I could lean on someone else and not once did that little, tiny person turn his back on me. I used to get high on just sniffing him and snuggling up to his warm, soft cheeks and get lost in his toothless smile. I love you Ethan, you are Nana’s “hart se punt”. Sadly you stripped your daddy from his title😘

This song of Teddy Pendergrass explains how I feel about you

And when you walked into my life
Suddenly I knew
All the love I had inside
Was leading me to you

Our new Adventure

It’s so difficult to say how children will take to a divorce. People say, when they small, they don’t remember much they easily forget and that it’s more difficult when they’re bigger, older. I always say that I cannot agree to something if I haven’t gone through and experienced it myself. I let logic decide and if it adds up, I accept it. Well I wish my experience was as easy as using logic. I lost it a couple of times, I was a walking emotional time bomb. I was afraid I was going to lose my kids to their father. I looked out for signs of betrayal, I believe I sometimes fabricated reasons to attack them. I cried in silence and the more I tried to stay sane, the more I felt broken. I didn’t know how to tell them that I’m scared of losing them and that I won’t survive if I should. I always only know how to be strong and I hated that I still wanted to be strong. I wanted to break down, I wanted to shout, hit someone, kick something, anything!

Yes, like every time bomb this one blew up but the result wasn’t devastating but rather bittersweet. It was moments of honesty, there was lotsa tears, revelations but most of all there was not a chance that I’ll ever lose my babies. They have my back and I’ll always have theirs. The moral of the story is that they love their father as much as they love me and this was never their battle. In fact I believe they suffer more than what we do.

The following gave me Hope, inspiration and Trust:

An extract from Will Power:💗

This is a matter of guidance from the creator and time healing and letting the scars close and be a reminder of how to conduct ourselves as future partners in a marriage and as parents. We were involved too much, we’ve seen too much and it’s still there. Visible and within remembrance. The worst is not Over, it’s still there. Everyone is at a point in their lives where they feel unloved, unrecognised, disregarded and unwanted. So we lashout, we forget, we display the same negative traits that we feel is being inflicted on us. I have always been proud of my mother. I have never disregarded your success and your achievements. I am the man I am because of you

(I still cry every time I read this. The worst is over my son, we’re on our road to recovery💚 I love you!)


An extract from Love:💞

I miss that when you would come home  from work and make us food. And we would all eat as a family .

And thats really what meant alot to me .But when we left i forgot how many things count in my life .

You know you can leave that life behind but to think about the little things that matter ,thats hard .

So i became angry 

Giving sarcastic  statements 

To not only you 

But everyone around me 

Being angry every day .

And i realised that’s not me ! 

I am that girl who still sleeps in her mothers arms .That girl who still needs to teach her dad how to take a selfie .

Thats me ! 

And i want to be me again .

So im starting with my mommy .

Im sorry mommy 

Shukran mommy for everything you have done I will never forget that , and one day I will tell my kids my mommy was successfull and strong independent and Thats what I want to be really 💔 Shukran 💔❤

(Thank you poplap, and I’m sorry too.. you’re wise beyond your years)


And the man that always Persevere:😍

I Love you mumz, forever💗

(And one of few words….I love you too!)

 

And finally I can put that heartache behind me, behind all of us. Wake up and see the sun shining through my bedroom window. Thank God for what I have and for bestowing His infinite mercy on us. And I’m grateful for my good circle of friends who was there when I needed them🙋

I am no longer wearing my wellington boots, plowing through mud, I no longer have to question loyalty, I can trust in Love again.💜💜 

And it’s the right time to organize a dream holiday overseas…maybe Europe, maybe Asia. It doesn’t matter, what matters is it’s another tick off the Bucket List! BOOM!!😍🙋

Facebook

Another quick muse…

I actually find it very fascinating, this whole Facebook thing and how it gets used by some people to get a message out there..

Pffft, I do it too. I use it to tell my so called friends that ” I’m getting back at you for not visiting me or not staying in touch” ja, you know who you are (yes, put ma that ” I can’t look” face on..that brown spider monkey man)

Then there’s the ones that regular “check in” yirre, where did you get such a kwaai credit limit?? Please inbox me so that I can apply😏

Anyway, that is the funny part. Let me share with you the things that really annoy me of some people..

If I don’t like your post, then you’re not going to like mine, never mind giving me any purple blommetjies that sprinkle all over the post. The minute I start liking yours, booom! I’m getting a like from you. How’s that? Now bear in mind that no one is going to dictate to me what post I should like or not, or if it’s even interesting enough to comment on or do I really think you’re post is awesome or your pictures are nice…. especially those selfies 😦 hmmm

And thank goodness there’s still real people out there. They don’t just like any of my check in’s or any of my quotes that I (by the way )  thought was fascinating. No man, why should they. I’ve post because I believed in the quote. I post pictures because I like and treasure them. Ja well, it’s for the benefit of my friends abroad ( hmmm I have some) but that’s about it.

I once read an article about people and Facebook and unfortunately I cannot remember word for word but the jist was..People use Facebook to create a fantasy life. What you put on Facebook is what you want people to perceive.

And sadly, we’re all or most of us fall in this trap.

So in closing.. I don’t like your post because I don’t think it’s sweet, I don’t find it interesting, I’ve seen the same pictures over and over, I don’t think your quote is bad, but right now I can’t relate to it, sorry. Your check ins are annoying cos I’m at the “salticrax” week of the month. And I really don’t mind if you’re don’t like or comment on any of my post because you could be feeling the same way I do. So high five, no hard feelings, I still like you and you’ll always stay my Facebook friend🙋🙋

Well, let me tell you I’m getting ready to bore you with my countless Whitney Houston re-shares💗😍. My endless pictures of my Pop Lap and of the men in my life😍 including my grandson ( oh, I’ve never been sooo in love😊 yes yes I know you’ve seen a million pictures) my check in’s at hmmm the Waterfront, Canal Walk and Zevenwacht. Oh and of course letting you know that I’ve ran 5km (umpfff it was hard!) and that I’ve enjoyed a session of Yoga😂😂💪

Ok, lighthen up..it’s just another muse. You don’t have to like it😏

Onvoorwaardelike Liefde

Sy sit voor oor, gebuig en rug krom

Haar gesig met permanente lyne

Maar steeds n gesig vol liefde

Haar lippe glad en sag soos myne

Sy kyk op en glimlag, en dit maak my dag

Vol liefde is haar druk, en ek smag vir dit nog elke dag

Ek mis jou 

*
Ek verlang na jou wysheid

Ek moes ma geluister het
Jou arms was my le plek

Dus waar ek veilig gevoel het

Jy vryf my kop, en ek is weg

Jy soen my op my voorkop en sus my aan die slaap

Ek vra n duisend vrae, ek wil verstaan

Dan sy jy, “Laat dit maar gaan”

“Ek is lief vir jou, en dit is al wat saak maak”

Jou woorde het my gestil

Jou liefde was goed vir my siel

Hoe wens ek jy was nog hier

Ek wil jou net trots gemaak het

Ek mis jou 

*
Dit was altyd net ek en jy, hand aan hand

Ek mis jou eindlose vingers

Altyd sag, warm en geknoop aan myne

Nie weer was daar n liefde soos joune

Jy was beeldskoon, binne en buite

Jou vel was sag, jou hare dun soos die wind

Hoe wens ek jy kon sien

Maak ek jou trots?

Ek mis jou 

*
Die pad was swaar sonder jou

Ek probeer om te onthou

Die herrineringe is nog vars, dus soos gister

Ek verbeel my ek ruik jou 

Ek mis jou

Ek wil regop loop soos jou

Trots en met n glimlag

Ek is hier deur jou

Ek is die moeder wat ek is vandag, deur jou
Hoe wens ek jy kon hulle sien

Jy sal trots gewees het

En dus omdat jy my moeder was

Jy was my voetspore, jy was my alles

My hart is seer

Hoor jy as ek praat? 

Sien jy as ek treur?

Ek mis jou

*
A short poem in memory of Getrude, Susan Kleinsmith. Happy Birthday there in Heaven💗

It’s only Goodbye

Another chapter in my Journey will be coming to an end soon.

The future is unknown to all of us. Sometimes things don’t always work out the way you planned, other times you don’t plan and it works out. And I am eternally grateful for all the positives in my life. The last nine months, maybe longer has been the toughest ever but I managed to buy a brand new house against all odds, the sale of my plot is finally happening and now a new job… AND I have my babies with me!💗  I thank the Almighty for granting me these positive changes in my life. I would never have been able to do it without Him.

 I believe that whenever you walk away from any situation, be that having a conversation with a stranger in a queue or deciding to seek better professional opportunities..You always make sure, you walk away with the wealth of knowledge.

Now this knowledge presents itself in many forms.. It could be a negative or dismantling experience or it could be a more positive experience where people inspire you, when you have a colleague that you have the world of respect for. She observes without making judgement, she is spiritually strong and has integrity. She knows exactly what is going on and when I’m upset and there are times that we have the longest conversation by not saying anything or saying much. Thank you Foster💗

Inspiration do not ask for a certain age group. I think a seven year old can give you inspiration. I had an experience listening to a nine year old being interviewed on Heart 104.9. Cadi de Jager !  I remember listening to her with tears running down my face, thinking..if she can do it, then I can!

 

A nine-year old who was misdiagnosed with a brain tumor, but even after all the time spent in hospital, gathered inspiration from her experience and became the poster child and biggest advocate for the Red Cross Children’s hospital and their fundraising efforts. And I always had a big heart for Red Cross hospital, after spending nights and days there with my eldest son💗

Now that right there is inspiration, you should become a spongebob and splurge it all up because that is what makes you grow into a better person. 

I’m sad to close this door,  but I’m also excited for my new venture. It’s a New beginning, greener pastures💪 The beautiful splendor of Lions head is going to cascade through my office window, and I can just imagine seeing the rain tearing down my window. It’s going to be awesome, I know it! 😍 It’s right up my allly, being it project work, travel and managing people. Those are the things that I have passion for. Numbers and people. 
Without people, we’re lost. We’re lost if we don’t nurture them. It’s like any other relationship, it has to be looked after. 

Numbers was always my forte, I always wanted to be a CA, with a pinstripe grey, pencil cut skirt with my glasses resting on my nose…but hell no, I’ve had enough of studying. I think I’ve actually fried some brain cells along the way. I’ll just have to be satisfied with just a degree🙋

You miss the people and not the company.I hate goodbyes and wish I don’t have to do it…but it’s only goodbye and not farewell😢 

Life….

A short muse on Life….😍

I haven’t written in a long time.. life happened. I get up in the morning and I thank God for granting me another day.  Another day to Love my children, to listen to their banter and to take note of their silence, another couple of hours reveling in the softness of my grandson💗…Another day to live another chapter in my life. It’s all a Journey, nothing is forever.. I miss my niece every day, not a day passes when I don’t think of her. Not many understand, not even my children understands what impact her death had on my life..


I remember sitting sobbing, heaving and trying to make sense of life. How did this happen? How does anyone live an unhappy life..

Many has cast stones for the decision I have made but it’s something I have accepted long before it even happened. I generally think things through, I’m a thinker, I pre-empt (this is not always a good thing) and in this case I was spot on..The ones sitting on pedestals or rather with their head in the sand, are the ones gasping and found it almost incredulous..How can it be? It all seemed so perfect..

The real ones, saw it coming. How come it was the way it was?
Anyway that’s not what this story is about because I’ve accepted that “A new beginning is the end of a previous beginning”.

Life is what you make of it. If you give a piece, you get a speckle, if you give your all, truly give your ALL, life will give you an abundance. Nothing comes easy, not even relationships, not parenthood, not even your day job.
There’s therefore No time to worry about what people think, there’s no time to pretend that all is well when it’s not, say what you think, do what you want, have a bucket list and start ticking off, laugh and dance with the ones you love.

Religion doesn’t make you a person, being a drunkard doesn’t, being a drug addict doesn’t (and I am testament to this..no one has until today spoken bad about Sam. Everyone misses her, everyone loved her because she walked through life with the utmost respect for anyone who crossed her path) it’s therefore how you live your life that does…

Why waste time on the mediocre things in life..holding grudges, talk about happenings not people, put and end to a story with no meaning and that has no relevance to your life, if the opportunity arises go forth and conquer, if they’re not there anymore then let go..only the true ones stay, accept that many things are only there for a season and for a definite reason, be good parents to enable the world to be a better place when you’re no longer around. If something is not good for you, if that situation feels eroded..then walk away. Have the courage to know it’s the end..
When you judge, you define yourself and not the other person. Create your space for yourself and not for anyone else. The true ones will hug you, they’ll be ready whenever you are. Remember you are amazing💜
Keep your head up high and walk those heels!💪

This muse is for you Sam, my Angel from above. When things seems hard, I think of you, of how hard it must have been for you…No regrets baby!🙋

Masterpiece

​Women. Wives. Mothers.
They unappreciated, undervalued and highly misunderstood gender of the human race.

We men often pay little or no attention as to what makes ‘women’ happy. You know what’s the biggest aspect we lack when it comes to women in our lives?

We’re not proud enough of them, their achievements, their successes, their motherhood, their classyness, their values, their norms and attitudes. Yes, precisely..we are oblivious!
How can you not be proud of a woman who balance’s a career? A woman who strives to make an impact in her household, to teach her children the importance of character and preparation for the world? A woman who strives to inculcate religion amidst the many good values she attempts to instill in her children? It is of no doubt that a Mother can and will never have ONE career.

She will always have two. Her Job and her Masterpiece. Her Job, being it a career or a stay-at-home mom, it’s still a job.
What’s her Masterpiece?
It’s her children, her babies, her toddlers, her son’s and daughters. She is the one who moulds them, she is the one they call out for, she’s the one they’ve been connected to since the day they were born. A woman who so as even delivers a child, deserves the pride from her significant other. She deserves the pride of her family, I promise to be proud of my woman, always!
I write this, with only one exemplary woman in my life, my Mother. I am her end product, I am her goals, I am her achievement, I am her Masterpiece…
By:

Naeem Thebus

With Kamilah Thebus
I wrote this for you Mom ❤

The Reunion Part 1: The Givers

Don’t we all wish for a sunny spot?

A place where you could find warmth, laughter, a warm plate of food and an abundance of love. 🙂

I feel if I could recapture those feelings, I would feel better, I’d feel happy again, but I know I can’t… I get sad thinking about an innocent childhood memory. Of not having lunch to school but thank God I always had great friends. Which brings me to my story..this story. Can you teach a hungry child? Will it make you happy to feed a child?

I think as you grow older, your perception of what happinesss is,  changes. Life is more realistic, people can be shit , but there are also good people out there. People, you can look up to, who inspires you, who makes a difference, who gives..

Will this make us happy?

What makes you happy? Compared to what used to make you happy… What makes me happy is to be able to give back!

That is true happiness. Not so much losing your heart to someone, because you might lose yourself in that person and that’s not fulfilling..there’s no purpose in that..not really. That’s more of a personal nature, coupled with life’s complications.

Anyway, back to my point of giving…I genuinely feel that I’m doing something good when I give back and I haven’t done enough. I don’t think one can  ever give enough. We’re all aware that people love a moan, but no one is prepared to do anything. The irritation of some people’s pointless statuses with regards to charity, on social media feels like watching a hamster on a wheel…pffft.

LET’S GIVE BACK!

I’ve met up with primary school buddies and they are a phenomenal bunch! They’re all inspiring in their own way. Some of them don’t even know it 🙂

What made an impact for me was their need to make a difference in society. To go back to where we all started and make a small difference for the underprivileged. The same society, we all came from. It’s awesome! I can’t wait to get going. Guys, you’ve inspired this story, whoop whoop 🙂

The Ladies doing the War Cry 🙂 🙂 Naz, doing her thing!
From left: Shamiel, Levona and Ese

I remember my aunt coming to drop off my xmas clothes every year, without fail. It was of the finest. The frilly frock, with the matching patent leather shoes, finished off with a pretty bow. The very white vests with matching panties. Oh yes, you had to have new underwear, otherwise xmas won’t be xmas! And to finish it off, it was the silky matching ribbons! Oh I can still see it in my minds eye 🙂  I remember feeling very special, very loved and in need of nothing. Again,  I am going to be all dolled up in matching ribbons tying up curls on each side of my head.

Far left: Danny, Rashaad, Loet, Kami and Felicia

These are the memories that I have of feeling loved and not wanting of anything. I was fortunate in so many ways and yet growing up was always a struggle but as a child I remember always feeling that I want what I cannot have, that I want the luxury I saw my friends have, that I have very little in comparison to them, that what I have was incomplete, not enough.

Now isn’t that what we still experiencing today? The constant comparison to the next, the always wanting what you cannot have? Always moaning about how hard life is. And if only…if only I can earn more money, things would be better, life will be easier and we’ll live our dream life?

And yet, if you look around you will see so many things in your life that you should be grateful for. You have a cosy, warm home..maybe not kit out in the finest, but it’s a shelter so much better than what many out there can only dream of. Many that wished for a few minutes at your dining table, that wish for night under your comfortable, nice smelling blankets, to sit in front of your fireplace, to feel warm, to not feel hungry and cold. And yet we moan of the riches we have. That’s unfortunate, isn’t it. So when do we realize we have, and they don’t…

We’ve fed a few, Thank God!

We just completed our month of fasting and yet only feel a speck of what they are feeling every single day of their lives. We’re sacrifice food and water between sunset and sunrise and rush home to prepare a feast. A warm pot of soup enjoyed with   different kinds of savories. Different kinds of drinks and juices. And to end it off, a steamy plate of food. All this after a day of fasting.

Now tell me, where is the sacrifice? Yes, we have fulfilled  one of the pillars of our religion, but have we fulfilled the other one? The one where we have to give to the less fortunate (Zakaah). Have we made the difference?

Anyone for seconds..:-) My absolute favorite pic!

What’s giving? Giving comes in many forms. There’s giving in the form of money, parting with worldly things, giving food and then of course sharing of knowledge, to aspire to inspire. Giving in any form can be so rewarding

The soup kitchen is finally underway and some of the guys in the group has sacrificed their time to go and feed a couple hundred primary school children. I am so proud to be associated with them:-) It actually brought tears to my eyes, seeing the row of children, some of which never knew what it is to enjoy a hot cup of soup. Some who’s stomach has been growling for hours but could do nothing about it.

Ese doing what she does best (love, love you!)

I remember standing in a queue myself for a pint of milk and a peanut butter sandwich..it was pure bliss..chocolate cake and milkshake on a rainy day! ja well, you then go back in the queue for another piece of chocolate cake 🙂

There isn’t enough of giving. There’s only taking. There’s a generation of entitlement, which means giving will become non-existent, more people starving, more malnourished children, a less educated society, an increase of poverty, no quality of life, a constant battle, life becomes hopeless, begging is the easier way, pride is only a word with no meaning.

From left: Jackie, Fran, Jamielah and Sadia

These cauldron of events can be avoided if only we give, if only we make a difference to one child…. out of twenty. That’s a high odd, but imagine the domino effect it will have on that individual’s life. He/she will march forthwith and continue to make the difference and break free from the shackles of poverty! Thus creating a better society.

Ese and Sadia with the Principal

So let’s give 🙂

(I dedicate this story to all my buddies, the Givers.. Carl, Esmeralda, Loet, Naz, Francis, Danny, Jamielah, Shamiel, Levona, Colleen, Jackie, Felicia, Cathleen, Tyrone,Sadia,  Cerona and the list goes on and on. You guys Rock 🙂 )

Virginia Carol Le Roux

The Journey

The things I remember the most about you is your smile..your inner beauty,  the tip of your head to the side when you spoke, your soft spoken voice, the shape of your fingers and the shine in your hair..

I took you to the beach for some fun, unknowingly it would be my last opportunity.
We going to miss you..

image

I had the opportunity to sit at your feet during your last days, unknown to all of us and I thank God I was granted that.
We going to miss you..

Sitting around the table, full house, good company, good laughs and your endless calmness, your forgiving nature, your giving nature,  is what we going to miss..

image

We look back and we say…”if only we knew, we would do things differently” If only I stayed longer, if only I combed your hair, if only I said ” I love you…

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What a child needs

Have you ever thought about whether you doing a good job raising your kids? How do you know this?
Are we too self absorbed in our losses that we tend to take the wrong approach when it comes to arming our kids for the world. I have a few mottos in life, one being “raise your kids for the world”. It could be up for debate for some, so let’s talk about it. So why raise your children for the world? What does it mean? What does it even entail..

Humility is big in my books. If you don’t have empathy, understanding, respect for your fellow man, then you will not get very far in life. In my experience as a parent I am going to be the first one to say that being a parent, guider, sustainer, leader etc are one of the hardest things to do. It’s one job that accolades are not freely handed out but rather judged or frown upon by society. Some of us try to live our losses through our children. We try to make up for our short comings or lack of achievements and create our lives we dreamt of through our children. That is a big injustice isn’t it..

Besides the fact that economics changed, politics evolved, technology has changed our social skills, a bread cost so much more, integrity means far less, we want to force them to do what we couldn’t, what we dreamt of becoming growing up. And that’s a fine line to cross because we all hover over that line from time to time. It takes extreme balance to make sure we shift our weight back to us, back to accepting that we were eighteen and pregnant, we were told to go work at the age of sixteen to sustain a family of six, we had no choice but to go work as the mere laborer, the mere machinist..
But what did it make us as individuals, as parents..?It made us the achievers of today! Instead of trying to create the fantasy we never had, we should pat ourselves on the back because our sacrifices are what created our beautiful souls.

So what are the fundamental basis to create well balanced future leaders? I can only think of three important aspects that comes to mind. If you can think of anything else, please feel free to contribute and discuss.

Be emotionally available:
How often are we in the actual, physical space with our children but our hearts and heads are everywhere and anywhere else?
We constantly chasing the never reaching rainbow. We are too focused on what we look like, the house that we want, the car that we want. It becomes a natural thing to nod and say “yes….really…oh…ok..?…”
Being emotionally available requires us to pay attention, close attention and to respond compassionately.
We shove technology in their hand and expect them to be socially equipped so that we have more free time for ourselves to try and catch up whatever we’ve lost…. Let me tell you something…It’s never going to happen. The best thing to do is to create the best path for your child.

Multitasking our time with our children has become a norm and we don’t make the time to look at them and engaging with them. Our minds are anywhere but the story of ” the boy said he’s going cut my hair,”. Until something untoward happens, we either look for someone else to blame or carry the burden of guilt. I fall in the latter category. I never look at the next person to blame whenever my children find themselves in a precarious position. And yes, there was an incident that happened to one of my children and it was a wake up call for me. I was ready to blame the choice of friends, but realized that I will do the same injustices that was done unto me. I firmly believe that people are influences in your life, but you still have a choice. The choice between right and wrong. You need to know or say ” this is wrong and my parents armed me to know the difference between right and wrong..”

At another time amidst writing three exams and juggling between studying for exams and work, my daughter start telling me about her day (after I asked her…as an after thought, or rather automatically..- “Hi, how was your day”) and of course I’ve not heard a single word she said. She came to stand in front of me, sandwich my face and said ” Mom, you’re looking at me but you’re not listening to me”.
And since that day, I am looking at my kids when they talk to me. Engaging is so important for them, it makes them feel that they mean something and whatever they’re sharing are important and like that they reciprocate, as well as handing it out to the world. So stop doing what you doing and pay attention!

Provide limits and discipline:
I am very old fashioned to a certain extent. I like to refer to this analogy – Our children are our puppets on a string and we play them how we see fit, we pull and release and assess their inputs and outputs, how they handle responsibilities, discipline, respect and self respect. We let go slightly to ascertain whether we can trust our kids, how much we should allow, or how little. It’s an ongoing process.

I get highly irritated when I hear a parent says “oh she’s not listening to me – he does his own thing”
Really? Surely there is something wrong with that statement? Who is working from nine-to five, who is providing, who is paying the bills. Why are we so complacent, why does it look like we are becoming the kids, and they’re becoming the parent. If we don’t set clear boundaries or create a “free for all-do what you want to” basis then we creating less disciplined leaders, disrespectful adults, lazy individuals, society that has no ambition to grow, little big monsters! All this is what you sending out to the world, you creating a cauldron of events in your child’s path that he/she won’t be armed to deal with.
We allow dating from a very young age, I certainly don’t believe in dating whilst at school. Yes some will say that’s preposterous in today’s life! I’m arguing, what is? What is today’s life? Social media, free condoms at school, pregnancy are allowed on schools- girls are walking ducks talking about everything else besides solving for x! They have their babies, mommy becomes granny, we’re all proud and smiles, and she goes back to school. Don’t get me wrong, education is your passport to better, to greater things but mistakes are made to learn from. So where’s the lesson in this one?

Yes it’s definitely harder than what it was thirty years ago but who are pulling the strings, who determines the discipline and respect? And ultimately, who is setting the pace?
Why don’t we rather cultivate self respect, self discipline, future leaders, empathy, humility, good values and strong minds.
All this can be done without forcing your child to get a degree in whatever you couldn’t. Again, I am an advocate for enhancement for improvement for better and higher education will give them the ability to be future leaders and providers.

But does it teach them the important values and principles? The importance of family, the unimportant  flashy car, the importance of knowing that you don’t shack your parents up in an old age home, you don’t turn your back on your struggling sibling, you give without expecting anything back in return, you don’t keep a tally on what you do for anyone, you stay humble, you keep the faith and to be good from the inside out. Worldly possessions are just that, it’s temporarily and can be lost at anytime, but good values are permanent – no one can take that away.
Parents that see discipline as a teaching opportunity raise children who experience much better outcomes in their own lives.

Find happiness and meaning in being a parent:

This must be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had to do, and my god, its the most difficult job ever. You constantly plan ahead, you question all the time. There was and still are times when I feel I’ve done the wrong decision. Right now I’m finding myself feeling anxious because I want my daughter to attend a good high school. Was it the right train of thought? My sons did very well in model c schools, so what makes me think it’s not good enough for my daughter. I debate this thought and say I want better for her, I can afford to give her a better chance, she is a girl so I want her to be safe, she’s a free spirit and I want her to excel in extra mural activities on and on I go, trying to justify why the change of perception.
I cart my son from campus to campus because I want to do it. I go crazy when he invades my time and space, I throw a tantrum but yet it’s so rewarding when I see him walk towards the car, all tired but excitingly telling me about his day. I look at him through my rear view mirror and I think ” it’s all worth it”
I nag the eldest to get his license all the time because why do I have to still cart him around.He has his own car, but is not allowed to drive without his license. But when he gets into the car he asks me how I am, kisses me and my heart melts, I immediately forget about my agitation.

This is where I find happiness and the true meaning of being a parent is to guide and to protect against all odds.Parenting is not all about ‘happy moments.’ In fact, much of family life is hard work, plain and simple.

So practice better understanding and let’s be more influential in teaching our children good ways to act Show them love so that they can hand it out. Let them be their own person, don’t break their spirits, dance with them, laugh with them and be the parent