You’re Twenty One NT :-) 

I promise this is going to be short. And I promise I’m not going to post funny baby pictures 🙂 …..NOT!

 

You’re finally an adult, whoop whoop! I can no longer call you my baby, sad isn’t it. Cos this only means I’m getting old 😦

Well that is the circle of life my son and one day, you’ll write a very similar memoir for your son 🙂

mde
The key to Life 🙂 

 

Happy 21st birthday Na-eem 🙂  I Love you long time. I don’t say it enough..one can’t say it enough, but should say it all the time!   You are the son I always wanted. I pray that the Almighty grant you good health, Halaal rizq, Taqwa, always surround you with the cloak of Imaan, a long and prosperous Umr Inshallah… And Don’t stop dancing baby 🙂

One day, long,long ago on a surprisingly sunny winter’s day I was bouncing off the walls cos the Springboks won the world cup! Oh my word, was that a day forever ingrained in many memories, and a day to go down in history!! WE as a nation finally won our spot back onto the sporting arena, it was a day I will never forget and I’m sure many felt the same way. There proudly stood the one man that sincerely fought for freedom from the oppressors, the one man that showed continuous humility and dignity and with unwavering commitment to what is right. A man we all could learn from for he has surely played an integral part in making that unforgettable day possible. He sacrificed a lifetime so that we could enjoy the fruits of his sacrifice!
Green and gold was the colours of the day!!!

 

I was told you were coming a week earlier, pffft I never believed it though. Being a stickler for numbers and always wanting to be prepared, I did the math and you were to be born on the 27th of June 1995. Not a day sooner or a day later. I felt the first twinge whilst coming down from the euphoric feeling and marveling in the aftermath of victory.. of course I was prepared and knew I am going to meet you very soon 🙂

fb_img_1469293373646.jpg
The sky is the limit ..

I knew you were going to be a boy, but didn’t share this knowledge with anyone. You proudly ” winked” at me during one of the scans and I smiled from ear to ear. It was meant to be and I thank God every single day for the blessing he bestowed upon me. Well, it was one of my hardest physical battles, omw! You refused to make an entrance. I prayed, I begged and even bargained with the doctor! But you had your own time, you knew when it was, you’ve planned it all along and you finally appeared and in a very dignified manner 🙂 These are the qualities that you possess. You know what you want, you know when to do it, you’re one of the most disciplined people I know and you’re say it like it is, all with grace and panache. That’s my boy, right there 🙂 🙂

 

You wrote on everything you could find, cupboard doors, behind the doors, on the walls..always frantically waving a wand of some kind! And from a very young age you knew you wanted to be a teacher. You wanted to make that difference, and you did and still strive to do it.

As a baby you were obsessed with a vacuum and would run for it every time you heard the buzzing. It was the funniest thing ever! We would put you in the furthest room in the house, surrounded by toys , closing all the doors just so that we could vacuum hoping you wouldn’t hear anything and therefore stopping us from vacuuming! Well it didn’t work of course. You would come speeding towards it, and only to lay on the vacuum and to feel the buzzing. I would finally give up, and let you have your moment :-). One of your aunts even gave you an old vacuum for your birthday, but you quickly figured out that it’s not giving you the buzz you need.

One of your favorite movies was Mr Bean. Well…I had to play it over and over again and you would laugh at the same scenes, every time! As much as I was annoyed, I would laugh with you. You have that laugh, where you just shakes and can’t even talk! I love laughing with you 🙂

fb_img_1469293625357.jpg
Funny guy…

And your all time favorite was dancing to a Shah Rukh Khan movie 🙂  “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham” and so many more others. I specifically remember this one cos we had to watch it to death but also because it had a hip beat!

You hated going to creche and because you had your granny wrapped around your finger, she finally let you stay with her. She said you didn’t need to go to creche, and that you have a head full of brains. She was right of course (may Allah grant her Jannah Ameen).

You would brag to me how your aunt prepares your lunch and that I don’t do it the same pfffft. They spoiled you and granny believed you could do nothing wrong.

You always had a string of friends, and I always knew you would make the right choices in friends. I never had to worry whether they’re bad for you. You don’t take any prisoners and you don’t tolerate drama. You carry yourself with dignity and  stay faithful in your Deen.

fb_img_1469293287014.jpg
Proud moment!

And then you became Head Boy. If I think that was a proud moment, then the day you’ve made your last speech, I was even more proud. I clapped hands, my vision swimming, smiling from ear to ear and bursting with pride. It’s one of those days I will never forget.

I enjoy serenading with you to a Whitney song, AKA, Manhattans, Justin Bieber, Drake James Ingram and many more…dance to Kwaito and House music..

And more importantly, I love listening to you when you recite the Quran. Your voice is laced with emotions, you take us through that beautiful journey and one cannot help but listen and revel in the splendor of God’s word. It’s like music to  one’s ears.:-)

fb_img_1469293512320.jpg
Love your face 🙂

 I listen to you and how you perceive your peers and  you make me so proud. You look at things objectively and with integrity. You don’t compromise on your beliefs, values and ethics. You going to do so well, you’re going to conquer the world and I wish you infinite success in all your challenges my son 🙂

I’ve raised you for the world and not for myself. This is something not many understand. I gave you the tools, so go forthwith and be a success. Earn and give the respect. Give and receive. Listen and learn. Honor your parents. Pray and forgive. Look out for your siblings, always! Laugh, dance, be happy and never settle for anything less!

.facebook_1469719352251

Happy happy Birthday Na-eem Thebus. You the reason I get up everyday, you the reason I didn’t give up, when you needed me the most. I hope that I’ve done enough. I hope I’ve danced with you enough.

Remember what I told you…Love hard and never be afraid to show it!

Never forget Granny and Aunty Mielah who cared and nurtured you when I couldn’t. May Allah grant them Janaah, Ameen. Both, loved and disciplined you in their own way

I love you Na-eem Thebus 🙂

 

Advertisements

Virginia Carol Le Roux

The Journey

The things I remember the most about you is your smile..your inner beauty,  the tip of your head to the side when you spoke, your soft spoken voice, the shape of your fingers and the shine in your hair..

I took you to the beach for some fun, unknowingly it would be my last opportunity.
We going to miss you..

image

I had the opportunity to sit at your feet during your last days, unknown to all of us and I thank God I was granted that.
We going to miss you..

Sitting around the table, full house, good company, good laughs and your endless calmness, your forgiving nature, your giving nature,  is what we going to miss..

image

We look back and we say…”if only we knew, we would do things differently” If only I stayed longer, if only I combed your hair, if only I said ” I love you…

View original post 485 more words

Virginia Carol Le Roux

The things I remember the most about you is your smile..your inner beauty,  the tip of your head to the side when you spoke, your soft spoken voice, the shape of your fingers and the shine in your hair..

I took you to the beach for some fun, unknowingly it would be my last opportunity.
We going to miss you..

image

I had the opportunity to sit at your feet during your last days, unknown to all of us and I thank God I was granted that.
We going to miss you..

Sitting around the table, full house, good company, good laughs and your endless calmness, your forgiving nature, your giving nature,  is what we going to miss..

image

We look back and we say…”if only we knew, we would do things differently” If only I stayed longer, if only I combed your hair, if only I said ” I love you too”, if only I answered your phone call…But I thank God for the short time I was given to get to know you. The beautiful soul..

I see how much you cared for Vida and she’s going to miss you the most. You were there when she needed a friend, thank you. And yet you granted her that opportunity to spend your last days with her, thank you.
She’s lost a good friend

image

We make plans, but God has his own plans for us. The ones left behind are grieving your passing. We ask, why so sudden..You were so young, you were a good person, a good friend, gone too soon..why why why..

image

You sent me a beautiful message and every time I play it over in my head, I want to cry. I want to cry for the loss of a beautiful soul, the loss of a good friend, the loss of the most beautiful smile ever..
I am going to miss you Carol
I said to you “get better and let’s go watch the Manhattans” you looked at me and I didn’t understand that look. If only I knew you were telling me that you won’t be around.
You told me “be happy!”….Thank you Carol for your infinite wisdom.

I pray to God that your children and Phillip find peace. I pray that we all find the peace and acceptance. You were suffering and God called you home. He decided he needed you more than what we do.

There’s a vice around my chest, it’s by far the hardest thing to lose a good friend because good friends don’t just come around. It’s a lifelong bond, laughs, dancing, giggles, jokes, sadness, disagreements and unconditional love… We going to miss you Carol

image

You were hurting and we have to be less selfish and thank God for taking you out of that discomfort. We need to accept that you are where you should be, and because it’s the right time. If only we could be this accepting..If only we accept that all of this was written already..it was written that we’ll only have you for a certain time, you would only laugh, dance and giggle with us until a certain time.

I pray that you rest in peace. Don’t worry about us, let us mourn you Carol. Let us cry for the loss of a very good friend.

And thank you for allowing me the short and awesome time with you. Thank you for listening and nodding. Thank you for always smiling. May you smile from up above…

We going to miss you Carol..go on and be the smiling Angel looking down on us. And we will celebrate your life because that is what you’d want us to do. Nothing will fill this void, this loss but we will hold onto your beautiful memory and the memories we’ve shared.

Rest in Peace my good friend..

Virginia Carol Le Roux

The things I remember the most about you is your smile..your inner beauty,  the tip of your head to the side when you spoke, your soft spoken voice, the shape of your fingers and the shine in your hair..

I took you to the beach for some fun, unknowingly it would be my last opportunity.
We going to miss you..

image

I had the opportunity to sit at your feet during your last days, unknown to all of us and I thank God I was granted that.
We going to miss you..

Sitting around the table, full house, good company, good laughs and your endless calmness, your forgiving nature, your giving nature,  is what we going to miss..

image

We look back and we say…”if only we knew, we would do things differently” If only I stayed longer, if only I combed your hair, if only I said ” I love you too”, if only I answered your phone call…But I thank God for the short time I was given to get to know you. The beautiful soul..

I see how much you cared for Vida and she’s going to miss you the most. You were there when she needed a friend, thank you. And yet you granted her that opportunity to spend your last days with her, thank you.
She’s lost a good friend

image

We make plans, but God has his own plans for us. The ones left behind are grieving your passing. We ask, why so sudden..You were so young, you were a good person, a good friend, gone too soon..why why why..

image

You sent me a beautiful message and every time I play it over in my head, I want to cry. I want to cry for the loss of a beautiful soul, the loss of a good friend, the loss of the most beautiful smile ever..
I am going to miss you Carol
I said to you “get better and let’s go watch the Manhattans” you looked at me and I didn’t understand that look. If only I knew you were telling me that you won’t be around.
You told me “be happy!”….Thank you Carol for your infinite wisdom.

I pray to God that your children and Phillip find peace. I pray that we all find the peace and acceptance. You were suffering and God called you home. He decided he needed you more than what we do.

There’s a vice around my chest, it’s by far the hardest thing to lose a good friend because good friends don’t just come around. It’s a lifelong bond, laughs, dancing, giggles, jokes, sadness, disagreements and unconditional love… We going to miss you Carol

image

You were hurting and we have to be less selfish and thank God for taking you out of that discomfort. We need to accept that you are where you should be, and because it’s the right time. If only we could be this accepting..If only we accept that all of this was written already..it was written that we’ll only have you for a certain time, you would only laugh, dance and giggle with us until a certain time.

I pray that you rest in peace. Don’t worry about us, let us mourn you Carol. Let us cry for the loss of a very good friend.

And thank you for allowing me the short and awesome time with you. Thank you for listening and nodding. Thank you for always smiling. May you smile from up above…

We going to miss you Carol..go on and be the smiling Angel looking down on us. And we will celebrate your life because that is what you’d want us to do. Nothing will fill this void, this loss but we will hold onto your beautiful memory and the memories we’ve shared.

Rest in Peace my good friend..
image

The Sound of Music

Yeah !  My very first memory of music is that of Julie Andrews running across the splendor of green fields,  singing  “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music “ – the minions frantically trying to keep up with her

Can you imagine life without music?

Music should be a part of everyone’s life and I think most of you will agree.
Without music life would have been a lopsided affair, earth totally off it’s axis, obscured and bending sideways..

images-12.jpg.jpeg

No melodies to sway to
no passion to relate to..

Music has the ability to tap into the dormant territory of the mind. The right song takes you to that wispy feeling, that happy place. You involuntary sway your hips, tap your foot, bop your head and let the string of words only talk to you.

How many of you has sworn that a particular song was written for you? I’m sure many! For me definitely 🙂 A friend of mine recently pointed out that I appreciate the lyrics in a song 🙂

I remember listening to Chariots of Fire as a teenager and how I use to be fascinated by the steady increase of tempo and finally reaching climax….that point where you sit all alone, hands up to the sky, and face basking in the sun, smiling and savoring the last few piano chords..victoriously saying….” I’ve Won!!”

Who wants to live without music…

Then of course there are songs you love to hate but you involuntary find yourself singing to the chorus “Cake by the Ocean” by Joe Jonas. Really Joe? An apparent metaphor for sex on the beach..pffft crap.
Then there’s Riri’s “Russian Roulette”...ugh I’d love to hate it but I find myself “Take the gun and count to three” 🙂
Oh and don’t forget about Bruno’s – ” Catching a grenade for me” eeeek – no, he must be joking.

I also have a few favorites and they definitely not artists that I’ll have posters of behind my door but listening to the lyrics makes me happy, makes me smile, give me that euphoric lift especially sitting in traffic in the morning.

Jason Mraz – ” Butterfly” is right at the top. The lyrics are so sexy and laced with seductive promises – ” I’m your pole and all you wearing is your shoes” Ooppff fan me now!
Jeremy Oliver – Serendipity, “Baby there’s no need for pretense, together we make perfect sense”. Absolutely beautiful and catchy lyrics, love it.
Jason Derulo – Let’s get ugly – “Chingaling ling ling  ling, just do yah thang” ooh my hips don’t lie…They come alive BOOM!

images-11.jpg.jpeg

But nothing beats the Soulful tunes of the 70’s and 80’s, hell no..They did just that..spoke to the soul. Jennifer Rush – ” Power of Love” – of course I’ve believed I found the love of my life, printing out the lyrics and memorizing it to heart 🙂
Teddy P – You’re my Choice tonight
Billy Ocean – Lover Boy
Mariah C – Emotions
Manhattans – Hurt
Earth wind & Fire – Reasons

aah…The list is endless 🙂

And of course…yeah..wait for it..The greatest one of all times…! Whitney Houston – ” You give good Love “. I used to frantically search for Mr Right on the dance floor.. It was a waste otherwise….You had to believe he was the one 🙂

Music creates soul searching, it makes you realize that you’re not the only one hurting “Why does it hurt so bad”.

It stimulates the good feel endorphin’s, it lifts your spirits, makes you ready for the day. It  reverberate through the soul, making it all ok 🙂

Music unites mankind – it doesn’t discriminate  between race, gender and sex

Music is magical, we shouldn’t live without it.

Kami 🙂

Horrible People

So here’s my first muse

Why people are so horrible
Why people feel threatened
Why people are weak
Why people have no clue

I always thought that if I utter out loud that I will seem intimidated but #=_?!+ that, on the contrary, I cannot be bothered and since I found this platform, I say what I feel..so puff and move on.

I’m in the least intimidated by anyone let alone the fairer sex. I think if you believe in yourself and you are confident enough to stand up for yourself, you half way there. The rest is showing what you got. Boom!

There was a time that I wanted to be what I’m not and it didn’t get me anywhere. I felt trapped in a pupa (stage in the evolution of a butterfly) and was scared to get out to become the adult butterfly.
And yet I progressed with personal achievements and life went on. I settled and life was good…well I believed it was.

But life is good.

You only doubt it when you let negative in. Those negative thoughts don’t creep in your mind from itself. People put it in your head and you allow it. You start questioning your abilities, you start to self doubt, you second guess, you stumble and you fall. That is what people want, they want you to fail! People can be horrible at the best of times. And if you look closely, you can identify them a mile away, you can sniff them out. They normally live pathetic lives, have none or a small circle of friends, they bark all the time(to be heard), they are uninspiring, they have no ability to motivate or to lead, they insensitive and ruthles. They’ll do anything to pin you to the board! Whack!

And that is how they evolve, how they progress in life but ultimately because people allow them to.

You allow them when you lose sight of your abilities, when you open yourself to condescending statements of the lowest form, when you allow people to make you believe being sensitive is a sign of weakness. Hell, it’s not! It only means you are passionate about life and situations. When you don’t have the inclination to talk for yourself, you’ve given up and rather cower in the corner. And more importantly, when you throw in the towel and walk away.  That right there is what people wants..

So where does it stem from? You not going to get the answer from them and I can think of an endless list. Hmmm the list is too long so in a nutshell, they are weak, uneducated individuals. Their comebacks and innuendos are always personal – don’t believe anything to the contrary, ooh no….be alert! There isn’t enough education to inspire people.

It’s sad actually. I find it emotional draining. I’d prefer people to get on with it. To inspire me on a daily basis, to be more sympathetic and have empathy and stop justifying their obvious short comings.

I prefer to be surrounded with knowledge, positivity, youth (age, is just a number) big minds and small mouths.

Let’s be the shits, allow people to grow and let’s bask in their achievements instead of continuously taking them apart. There’s a certain time and place for grudges and sarcasm.
Some of us pays close attention, we hear and see everything
Don’t strive on others misery and a hopeful audience, because no one is watching
You’ve accomplished nothing if you fail people.

So aspire to inspire 🙂

Kami

To My Best friend

My Serendipity

img-20160417-wa0001.jpg
My Serendipity

 

Like honey and bees

Like a cool summer breeze

Like a hand fits a glove

You are made for my Love

My friend, together we make perfect sense

I still remember seeing your scrawny ass for the first time. You were wearing a blue jersey  and a black pants. All skittish, and hardly made eye contact. I immediately knew I’m going to like you but that it will be a challenge to engage with you because you a typical Taurian…don’t trust easily. But the persistent Capricorn won you over. And I still thank my lucky stars 🙂 🙂

You had high hair… heeeheee

Thin waist, nice shapely legs, pearly white teeth and perky ass 🙂 A more perfect behind I’ve never seen again, ever 🙂

We became two peas in a pod :-

We shared everything, well except for clothes. You had no size and I was huge in comparison 🙂

I remember our giggles in the attic
The sharing of life’s lessons
How we regularly stripped Cavendish
And dining at the finest, strapped in the finest 🙂
Heels klicking , funky and always smiling, reveling in our steadfast bond that not many have the opportunity to experience.And yet we have such a big age gap, but never was it visible because you have a great mind, a matured mind that always think out of the box!

I was there when you were sad, you were there when I was sad. Although it’s hard to see when you are. You have this innate ability to always smile. If you didn’t,  then I’d know something is wrong. You are not a talker – I loved/love that about you. We could be sitting next to each other and not say a word and it will feel like we having the longest conversation ever.

img_20160401_203335.jpg
Catching up felt like Making up…Always good 🙂 Love, love

We would silently watch a movie and boom would start shouting and directing the movie until the end! There would be non stop laughing and hysterical giggles of how stupid the victim was and what we would have done instead!!

We both have an extremely vivid imagination!
I say ” I have toothache”
You say ” oh…so the minions are walking up the stairs into your mouth armed with ice picks”
I say  “yeah..and with precise rhythm they start to carve their way..bang bang bang ”
You say ” with lights on their foreheads, they decide to expand..forging ahead in the darkness, searching for new territory…bang bang bang”
I say ” stop! I can’t take this pain anymore!”

Lol, and that’s how we rolled…completely crazy!

I remember my V6 and how we used to speed  through the roads, Whitney blaring at top volume and we singing to “Heartbreak Hotel”“It’s not right, but it’s ok” !!!
How we frantically would look for Na-eem in between the clothing rails, on all fours chasing down the imaginary dog – oh my gosh! How funny was that 🙂

fb_img_1460904056928.jpg
The bonnet could hold the weight LOL

 

We used to come back from another successful shopping spree and lay on your bed. You on your side with your hand under your chin..I’m on my stomach, legs swinging and we would share thoughts, advice…laugh..you were always so easy to laugh with!

Gucci
and
Intuition

(Oh my gosh, let’s not talk about the stream of gifts and how we got it and what role you’ve played in it..we would laugh about it until our stomach hurts 🙂 ) OMG, I can’t look!

That was our signature. Gucci has never smelled so good on anyone else. And whenever I buy my perfume, I think of you.

You have such a good heart. We went through a big storm and I knew since then that if we survive that, we would survive anything!

 

I shared my biggest secret with you, amongst others and I that is how much I treasure your friendship. Because I know, you’ll take it to your grave.

You’ve never been one for small talk and shit and I value that immensely. I love you Fafs. You one in a million friend.

 

I only want happiness for you. You needn’t have to pull at the shorter end of the stick.. you needn’t have to wait around for anyone. You should be adored and carried on a platter strewn with gold dust. You should be put on a pedestal and be preserved. You should have trillions of minions serving at your beck and call. You are made to love. Demand it and conquer it ! You are a Love magnet 🙂

You were one of the best things that ever happened to me!

img_20160407_050128.jpg
Me, Faiqah and Cindy…we looked as good as the spectacular view 🙂

You’re my Serendipity
You the calm and I’m the storm
I talk, you’ve always listened
You don’t judge, you give advice
You have a brilliant brain! Thank God for putting you in my path. You’re one of the sexiest woman I know, with impeccable taste.

I will love and treasure you forever..

Call on me and I’ll be there, don’t be afraid. Please believe me when I say…you can count on me

This I wrote for you with lots of LOVE 🙂

Kami

 

What a child needs

Have you ever thought about whether you doing a good job raising your kids? How do you know this?
Are we too self absorbed in our losses that we tend to take the wrong approach when it comes to arming our kids for the world. I have a few mottos in life, one being “raise your kids for the world”. It could be up for debate for some, so let’s talk about it. So why raise your children for the world? What does it mean? What does it even entail..

Humility is big in my books. If you don’t have empathy, understanding, respect for your fellow man, then you will not get very far in life. In my experience as a parent I am going to be the first one to say that being a parent, guider, sustainer, leader etc are one of the hardest things to do. It’s one job that accolades are not freely handed out but rather judged or frown upon by society. Some of us try to live our losses through our children. We try to make up for our short comings or lack of achievements and create our lives we dreamt of through our children. That is a big injustice isn’t it..

Besides the fact that economics changed, politics evolved, technology has changed our social skills, a bread cost so much more, integrity means far less, we want to force them to do what we couldn’t, what we dreamt of becoming growing up. And that’s a fine line to cross because we all hover over that line from time to time. It takes extreme balance to make sure we shift our weight back to us, back to accepting that we were eighteen and pregnant, we were told to go work at the age of sixteen to sustain a family of six, we had no choice but to go work as the mere laborer, the mere machinist..
But what did it make us as individuals, as parents..?It made us the achievers of today! Instead of trying to create the fantasy we never had, we should pat ourselves on the back because our sacrifices are what created our beautiful souls.

So what are the fundamental basis to create well balanced future leaders? I can only think of three important aspects that comes to mind. If you can think of anything else, please feel free to contribute and discuss.

Be emotionally available:
How often are we in the actual, physical space with our children but our hearts and heads are everywhere and anywhere else?
We constantly chasing the never reaching rainbow. We are too focused on what we look like, the house that we want, the car that we want. It becomes a natural thing to nod and say “yes….really…oh…ok..?…”
Being emotionally available requires us to pay attention, close attention and to respond compassionately.
We shove technology in their hand and expect them to be socially equipped so that we have more free time for ourselves to try and catch up whatever we’ve lost…. Let me tell you something…It’s never going to happen. The best thing to do is to create the best path for your child.

Multitasking our time with our children has become a norm and we don’t make the time to look at them and engaging with them. Our minds are anywhere but the story of ” the boy said he’s going cut my hair,”. Until something untoward happens, we either look for someone else to blame or carry the burden of guilt. I fall in the latter category. I never look at the next person to blame whenever my children find themselves in a precarious position. And yes, there was an incident that happened to one of my children and it was a wake up call for me. I was ready to blame the choice of friends, but realized that I will do the same injustices that was done unto me. I firmly believe that people are influences in your life, but you still have a choice. The choice between right and wrong. You need to know or say ” this is wrong and my parents armed me to know the difference between right and wrong..”

At another time amidst writing three exams and juggling between studying for exams and work, my daughter start telling me about her day (after I asked her…as an after thought, or rather automatically..- “Hi, how was your day”) and of course I’ve not heard a single word she said. She came to stand in front of me, sandwich my face and said ” Mom, you’re looking at me but you’re not listening to me”.
And since that day, I am looking at my kids when they talk to me. Engaging is so important for them, it makes them feel that they mean something and whatever they’re sharing are important and like that they reciprocate, as well as handing it out to the world. So stop doing what you doing and pay attention!

Provide limits and discipline:
I am very old fashioned to a certain extent. I like to refer to this analogy – Our children are our puppets on a string and we play them how we see fit, we pull and release and assess their inputs and outputs, how they handle responsibilities, discipline, respect and self respect. We let go slightly to ascertain whether we can trust our kids, how much we should allow, or how little. It’s an ongoing process.

I get highly irritated when I hear a parent says “oh she’s not listening to me – he does his own thing”
Really? Surely there is something wrong with that statement? Who is working from nine-to five, who is providing, who is paying the bills. Why are we so complacent, why does it look like we are becoming the kids, and they’re becoming the parent. If we don’t set clear boundaries or create a “free for all-do what you want to” basis then we creating less disciplined leaders, disrespectful adults, lazy individuals, society that has no ambition to grow, little big monsters! All this is what you sending out to the world, you creating a cauldron of events in your child’s path that he/she won’t be armed to deal with.
We allow dating from a very young age, I certainly don’t believe in dating whilst at school. Yes some will say that’s preposterous in today’s life! I’m arguing, what is? What is today’s life? Social media, free condoms at school, pregnancy are allowed on schools- girls are walking ducks talking about everything else besides solving for x! They have their babies, mommy becomes granny, we’re all proud and smiles, and she goes back to school. Don’t get me wrong, education is your passport to better, to greater things but mistakes are made to learn from. So where’s the lesson in this one?

Yes it’s definitely harder than what it was thirty years ago but who are pulling the strings, who determines the discipline and respect? And ultimately, who is setting the pace?
Why don’t we rather cultivate self respect, self discipline, future leaders, empathy, humility, good values and strong minds.
All this can be done without forcing your child to get a degree in whatever you couldn’t. Again, I am an advocate for enhancement for improvement for better and higher education will give them the ability to be future leaders and providers.

But does it teach them the important values and principles? The importance of family, the unimportant  flashy car, the importance of knowing that you don’t shack your parents up in an old age home, you don’t turn your back on your struggling sibling, you give without expecting anything back in return, you don’t keep a tally on what you do for anyone, you stay humble, you keep the faith and to be good from the inside out. Worldly possessions are just that, it’s temporarily and can be lost at anytime, but good values are permanent – no one can take that away.
Parents that see discipline as a teaching opportunity raise children who experience much better outcomes in their own lives.

Find happiness and meaning in being a parent:

This must be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had to do, and my god, its the most difficult job ever. You constantly plan ahead, you question all the time. There was and still are times when I feel I’ve done the wrong decision. Right now I’m finding myself feeling anxious because I want my daughter to attend a good high school. Was it the right train of thought? My sons did very well in model c schools, so what makes me think it’s not good enough for my daughter. I debate this thought and say I want better for her, I can afford to give her a better chance, she is a girl so I want her to be safe, she’s a free spirit and I want her to excel in extra mural activities on and on I go, trying to justify why the change of perception.
I cart my son from campus to campus because I want to do it. I go crazy when he invades my time and space, I throw a tantrum but yet it’s so rewarding when I see him walk towards the car, all tired but excitingly telling me about his day. I look at him through my rear view mirror and I think ” it’s all worth it”
I nag the eldest to get his license all the time because why do I have to still cart him around.He has his own car, but is not allowed to drive without his license. But when he gets into the car he asks me how I am, kisses me and my heart melts, I immediately forget about my agitation.

This is where I find happiness and the true meaning of being a parent is to guide and to protect against all odds.Parenting is not all about ‘happy moments.’ In fact, much of family life is hard work, plain and simple.

So practice better understanding and let’s be more influential in teaching our children good ways to act Show them love so that they can hand it out. Let them be their own person, don’t break their spirits, dance with them, laugh with them and be the parent

 

I love to Graft :-)

Work work work…yes it’s been extremely hectic. I’ve always worked very hard in my life. I’ve never took anything for granted. You can ask most people that know me, and they will attest to this.

The last four, five, six weeks was a blur of minutes, hours and days spent sussing through endless and endless figures trying to make something old into something new. Figures are my forte, I love it and can do it to eternity..I’d most probably die trying to figure out a complex account!

It can be extremely exhilarating, exhausting but very rewarding knowing you’ve created an offspring (without sperm of course :-)) which will be used as the basis moving forward.
What makes it exciting?
I work in a very complexed structure where exactly that-structure-,  and discipline is core. There’s very little room for error and high quality is always expected and regularly maintained.

And because there’s human intervention, you can be sure someone is going to make an error, or someone is not going to be disciplined enough or has not given thought or asked the question as to how to move forward blah blah blah. We’re after all not ready to make way for robots…
Well, I still maintain that what you give is what you get right…that goes for both the employee and employer’s side. But how do you know you’re getting what you want?
I’ve done many interviews, and I’ve sat in many interviews as part of a panel and then obviously was sitting on the other side of the boardroom trying to sell my skills.
So what makes a good candidate on face value..no, we not doing risk management or investments, we’re talking about assessing someone’s demeanor, disposition, reasoning and body language.
Apart from what you see on paper, you have to have some guidelines on what to look out for in a candidate.
But let’s face it, a candidate will tell you what you want to hear…And that’s absolutely ok. They’re there to sell themselves and that in it’s own is an important factor to take in consideration. It gives you an idea of the person’s negotiation skills, interpersonal skills, assertiveness, logic and disposition. The latter is important for me as it will give me and idea if the person will be a fit for the company’s culture. You cannot have a grumpy in a vibrant environment.

Its not the most important characteristic,  but it’s a valuable observation.
So I’ve decided to take a different approach. I’ve put together, with the help of another manager, a four question test relating to the position at hand and also a one page questionnaire to ascertain the person’s reasoning, logic and integrity.  I know it can be extremely daunting but it also gives you a better insight into how that person thinks.

Why I’m here, in this (I’m saying it,) unfortunate position is because I’m losing a good and kind person. I’m sad to see you go, but I’m also proud that you’re moving on and hopefully you are taking some valuable lessons with you. Yes you will stay anonymous, don’t worry 🙂

Right , I’m ending this off by saying…work is always important to me. More importantly, it’s the value you can add to people’s lives, and it’s by far the most rewarding achievement! I’m a born leader, I don’t follow (nothing wrong with being a follower ..!) I expect good output and I believe in giving better. Quality above quantity, ambition,  respect and self respect and attitude is right UP there on my score sheets!

Give and you will receive…think about it 🙂

I’m sooo looking forward to a family weekend away, somewhere on the Garden Route, I’ve earned the bragging rights:-)  Boom !

Happy grafting 🙂

wp-1458072944309.jpeg

Be that Change…MGhandi

I’ve come across such an inspiring writer Mike Kapulvatsky. So do yourself a favor and read up on his blogs. It’s worth every minute.
I’ve always believed that things happens for a reason and a season.

I detest small minds, even though I have been small once a upon a time. I believe most of us have been. High five to those that had the insight and maturity to never fall in this trap.

The minute I walk away from a conversation with anyone and I’m not afforded the opportunity to be enriched, to be able to laugh,  to be inspired or to think about anything is the time I say…huh uh this is complete bullshit. False and vain and piss willy talks I have no time for…
I have always wondered, how do you start talking bad about someone… “start,” being the operative word. Does it go something like this..

How does she afford the car she drives (really?)
Oh did you see.. ( see what exactly)
She isn’t as great as she thinks she is (oh, why do you say that hmmm)
She’s such a demanding bitch and thinks she knows everything..( The chances are she does)
He was drunk again (why…. he might have a problem)
He was sleeping on the job again (he might not have a bed to sleep on)
He smells (he’s not afforded the soap you have)
He must be on drugs (so what you going to do about it)

Remember the following words : If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it

Instead of being fair and try to find something positive in that person, we go around gossiping about people and creating your own perception of people. Why don’t you get to know that person? I’ll tell you why, cos you going to let yourself feel intimidated by that person.

I always believe, when you spew shit from your mouth, make sure it’s facts shit and not shit shit. Because when you being cornered and summoned to the podium of truth, you can honestly say ” it’s the truth and I can prove it”

Never go around and beat people up without them even knowing that they getting a hiding. You are not walking in their shoes. You’re not the one who made sacrifices, and who still are. Look in the mirror and ask yourself “am I better than him/her”‘ Chances are that you’re not! You just a loser with a small brain, you’re insecure, no self-esteem, no motivation and of course no ambition.

Your ambition is to talk shit day in and day out. Go, go empower yourself and find friends who reflects you. Steer away from stereotypes, boring, angry, weak individuals. Start dreaming, learn from those that you find the time to talk shit about. No matter how insignificant you think it is, the minute your thought about it, meant that you found it valuable.
Process a negative into a positive
Don’t worry about me, look at yourself cos you are all that matters

A quote from Mike: There’s no such thing as a bad day or a bad situation. It’s your thoughts about the situation that influences how you view your day.

The same goes for your shitty attitude and thoughts. Grow up and be big, make that change. My business is not yours. Go and seek the education you so desperately need. Armour yourself against the You’s of today. I want to live my life for myself and for no one else. Tomorrow I die and I want to die with no regrets..morbidly good isn’t it?

I read his blog and my heart bled for him, to think that somebody that went through one of the worse atrocity’s ever as a child, AND still live to tell the tale is remarkable! In every sentence he spews sense, wisdom and endless motivation to all that’s prepared to listen. I found myself hanging onto every word, in complete awe of his eloquence as a writer, I can just see how pen flows over paper, I can feel his passion for writing, I can hear his pain but most of all, he turned his adversity into positivity…bloody awesome!

So inspiring, he makes me feel like I can take on the world, I can deal with the god complex’s, I can deal with failure, I can deal with my past as it is who I am today. And don’t have to worry what you think, the most liberating of all!

What you see is not the same as what you don’t see…

Look at the man in the mirror and be that change..MJ